The Extroverted INFJ
I find on certain occasions that people who meet me for the first time view me as open and quite extroverted. I had countless encounters in which I portrayed myself as such, hence the image people build of myself can be of an extroverted person.
It’s important to mention that I can appear that way if it’s a relatively small circle of people I have to interact with. Once the circle of people is larger, it can become quite daunting to take in everyone’s energy and be able function at an appropriate level.
Even though in small circles INFJ’s will most definitely appear open to communicate and be extroverted, it does not last for a long time. Eventually, an INFJ needs to retreat to his room, and escape the energy and stimulation from the outside.
The reason for why INFJ’s appear extroverted is their (Fe) function which is extraverted feeling. For those of you who don’t know what that is, here it goes:
Extraverted Feeling deals with understanding others emotions and feelings in the present moment.
Extraverted Feeling is very attentive to others and can just sense what others are currently feeling. It is able to quickly assess the mood of the environment. It is also very skilled at changing the mood, whether they want to make it more upbeat or sadder. Source: Personality Growth
The above is a great explanation of how and INFJ functions and perceives the outside world.
We want to form deep bonds and connections with others. Leave aside the chit-chat and small-talk, tell me what are your fears, values, goals. What makes life worth living for you? Tell me the deep stuff you would not dare say to anyone else for fear of judgment. An INFJ will accept you and listen to you, because what you feel or think matters and has value. INFJ will want to form a trusting and open connection.
Tell me all about yourself, but then give me some time to process all the information and make something out of it.
Of course, we are the intuitive type and we register a lot of details from the environment we find ourselves in. It’s only natural that after prolonged periods of constant processing of all the stimuli we get frazzled.
When we do spend time interacting with others, it is mysterious to the very same people that we would just vanish without a word. Everything seemed so good and then the INFJ seems to have disappeared. Did something happen?
Nothing happened it’s just an INFJ needs his time alone to recharge and process all that’s been sent his way.
This explains why you might appear strange to people you have recently met.
That’s where the paradox with our personality lies in — on one hand you need to get out there and talk and share ideas and perspectives, then on another hand you also need to not do that for a period of time. All you want is to be left alone and not be bothered.
There is this paradox after all — we crave connection but we also don’t want to give up our personal space and value staying independent. We are the living contradiction of life itself.
You also will find out with time that around close people such as — friends, family, work colleagues you have known for a long time, you will appear to them the extroverted, silly, verbose type. That’s because you are accustomed to them and know them well enough to not let any fear of judgment affect your behavior.
I also consider that it depends a lot on the people you come upon and how the dynamics of communication turn out. For instance, with some you could be talking and you sense that there is not a connection. With others you tend to click right away — effortlessly, the conversation follows naturally. The latter I found are rarer cases, but they do happen on occasion.
A problem for most INFJs is that after prolonged times of solitude, when the time comes to go back into the world the anxiety can be too much. Talking to others after not having done if for a long time can be a dreadful conquest. That’s why it’s crucial to not go to the extremes of solitude or overstimulate yourself with prolonged socialization.
Ofttimes you will find yourself walking the fine line, where you tend to want to be with others when in solitude, and crave solitude when you find yourself among others.
That’s just one more thing of the many others you need to come to terms with as an INFJ.
Was this article something you could relate to? Did it make any sense to your particular situation? If so, share your impressions as an INFJ in the comment section below!
